Thursday, May 7

Needing People

Been thinking about writing for a few days (maybe longer) now, but I've been hesitating. Why, probably because my mood seems to change from one day to the next. For instance, I was in such a good mood yesterday afternoon that I felt I could probably ask the next person I met (online) out for a date/meet-n-greet with confidence. Today I'm feeling unsure of myself and thinking, "Why would anyone want to be with me?" See what I mean? I really hate mood swings, and seem powerless to overcome them. I don't know if it's *just* an MS thing or what. *Sigh. Just fucking sigh!*


Well, yesterday I went and bought some coffee creamer yesterday. My thinking is that it'll save me money by my not feeling the need to go buy a coffee of latte' when I'm craving coffee. It's not so much the latte' I crave, but the need to get out of this house of loneliness. There was a time in my life when I had no problem whatsoever being alone for long periods of time. Now a day or two seems like fucking forever, so I go places *just* so I can be around people, even if I don't talk to them or vice versa.


Speaking of people, I have been having a "envious" thing going on for a while. It feels to me like everyone has a better life than I do (mostly when I see couples). And yes, I know/understand that many have it much worse than I do too, but knowing that doesn't change my feelings, so please don't tell me that. Thank you.


I guess I should get motivated and use the *2* extension cords I have, connect them, and do a little weed whacking. Oh, I'm sure it could wait until I get my/our mower back from the guy who will hopefully have it fixed soon, but I need something physical to do that doesn't involve working on the puzzle I bought that I haven't worked on for a couple of weeks now. Oh well, it only cost me $8 and will give me something to do some day.