Saturday, September 19
Saturday, August 29
You might be thinking, "So what makes today so fucking different?" In all honesty, really not much except today I got pictures. Most people like pictures, so I'm sharing these. I didn't get very good close-ups because the sun was at my back and I could barely tell how close it would look. I tried zooming, but I could really only see the zoom #'s according to the settings on my phone. Also, in case you didn't already know, if/when you click on a picture, it should enlarge to 640 x something.
Monday, August 3
Wednesday, June 10
I installed Windows 7 Pro on this computer a couple of days ago. Now it's running slow. It could be that the new-to-this-motherboard System is a RAM memory hog, or that I just need more than 1 Gig of memory if I want to be able to watch videos. Don't know. It's an E Machine that's several years old, though I don't know how big of a deal that is; it has plenty of memory, just not RAM. So I'll check at the one computer place here in town. If they don't have what I need, I'll just go on the Web. Sure, I could just look on the Web first, but I want to checkout that place anyway.
I am trying to decide if I want to install the pro version of Window's Office so that can use that program to write in a journal and post to this blog, or just use the resources already on the computer. The blog is easy enough to write at the Blogger site. I haven't even thought to write in a journal yet, so I don't even know what "Office" program (if any) came with Window's 7.
That's all I've got for now. Until next time, I hope you have a great time in your life.
Tuesday, June 9
Thursday, May 7
Been thinking about writing for a few days (maybe longer) now, but I've been hesitating. Why, probably because my mood seems to change from one day to the next. For instance, I was in such a good mood yesterday afternoon that I felt I could probably ask the next person I met (online) out for a date/meet-n-greet with confidence. Today I'm feeling unsure of myself and thinking, "Why would anyone want to be with me?" See what I mean? I really hate mood swings, and seem powerless to overcome them. I don't know if it's *just* an MS thing or what. *Sigh. Just fucking sigh!*
Well, yesterday I went and bought some coffee creamer yesterday. My thinking is that it'll save me money by my not feeling the need to go buy a coffee of latte' when I'm craving coffee. It's not so much the latte' I crave, but the need to get out of this house of loneliness. There was a time in my life when I had no problem whatsoever being alone for long periods of time. Now a day or two seems like fucking forever, so I go places *just* so I can be around people, even if I don't talk to them or vice versa.
Speaking of people, I have been having a "envious" thing going on for a while. It feels to me like everyone has a better life than I do (mostly when I see couples). And yes, I know/understand that many have it much worse than I do too, but knowing that doesn't change my feelings, so please don't tell me that. Thank you.
I guess I should get motivated and use the *2* extension cords I have, connect them, and do a little weed whacking. Oh, I'm sure it could wait until I get my/our mower back from the guy who will hopefully have it fixed soon, but I need something physical to do that doesn't involve working on the puzzle I bought that I haven't worked on for a couple of weeks now. Oh well, it only cost me $8 and will give me something to do some day.
Sunday, March 29
It has been a few (weeks?) since I've updated my blog. Just thought I'd point that out if you weren't paying attention. LOL. Anyway, I guess I can tell you, or re-tell some of you that I have started taking a Yoga class at our YMCA. I have only been to two classes so far. The main reasons for starting that is to hopefully get my balance to improve, another is to stretch and strengthen my leg muscles, especially my left thigh muscle. I am hoping for the latter especially, to either stop the foot-drop from happening, or at least improve my walking by being able to raise my foot higher off the ground. That way, the brace, also referred to an AFO (Ankle Foot Orthotic), will be more beneficial to my gait.
Let's see… what else is new? Not a hell of a lot to be honest. I'm having a difficult time deciding what to write. I don't want to share too much information with the public. Then again, I hear that any and everything that goes out electronically, either via email, video, or a blog, can be seen by pretty much anyone who wants to snoop bad enough. That doesn't mean we should make it easy though, right?
Anyway, I do believe that spring has sprung here in TX. Am I enjoying it? Only a little. I'm really hoping that my electric bill will go down to less than $250-$300 a month, which it has been the last couple/few month, that greatly impacts our money that could be spent on groceries. I'd probably enjoy Spring more if I was better able to tolerate heat. Even with a cooling jacket on, I can't be outside in heat that is much over 80-90 degrees Fahrenheit for very long. I fucking hate MS (multiple sclerosis). I have decided to try something different when running the air conditioner. Prior to this year I was setting it on "energy saver" mode, so that it would go off completely (well, almost) when it reached a certain temperature in the living room (it's a window unit). However, it wasn't being very efficient, meaning that it (the AC) would allow the room temperature to get to 80*F, or a little above even with the setting being on 75*F. So this year I am leaving it on "cool", still set at 75, but it'll go into 'fan mode' when the temp. gets to the set temp. I don't know if that'll save any money or not, but I get sleepy and lose all my energy when it gets to almost 80 in here. Besides, if I can (barely) pay the heating bills of almost $300, I should be able to wrangle less than that for a cooling bill.
Monday, March 9
So here I sit with the heater going because I was cold earlier. But now that I've put my pullover and jacket on, eaten, read from a couple of sites on the computer, I'm warm. Guess I should probably turn the heater off, huh? Alrighty, the thermostat knob has been turned down. Hopefully the heater won't kick on again for a while. I was freezing earlier, and it was a little over 70 degrees in here. Sigh. Anyway, I heard someone say at the exercise class this morning that it's supposed to get up to 70 degrees (Fahrenheit) by this Wednesday. That'll be nice. I'm just so tired of gray. I still plan on going to the hardware store and looking for natural-light bulbs to help simulate the effects of sunshine when I'm inside the house. I'm hoping that will help with the probable affliction of SAD (seasonal effected disorder).
Browsed through a few of my earlier blogs looking for when I wrote that I hadn't even used the mop that I had bought to do the kitchen floor in over 4 months (wanted to add a link to it), but alas I couldn't find it. No matter, all I want to say it that I did finally use it last week. The kitchen floor has now been mopped. It doesn't look any different. At least it's cleaner, though I still probably wouldn't eat any food that's been laying on it for any length of time over the 5 second rule. OK, so that's a myth, but I've never been one who's a germophobe, so I don't really care. The "it's just a rental" reason was NOT the reason for not doing it. My reason was because we rarely get visitors. Now that I think about it, that's really nobody's fault but my own. I should invite more people over. The truth of the matter is that I suck at making friends whom I could invite to visit. I just remembered that I did decide shortly after mopping that I will clean the rest of the kitchen, eventually. I need to wash the cabinet doors. I suppose I could wash the windows as well.
Enough of that. Too depressing. Yesterday was a good day. Although I spent all day in the house because it was cold and cloudy, it was still good. I had access to, and used the computer all day. I got to watch videos. I got to be on my support site and FB. Even added several friends from my "team" on my support site as friends on FB. Now I get to 'see' them twice as much.
That's pretty much all I've got. If you've read this far down the page, thank you. I hope you'll stop by for the next episode of "So THIS is Todd's life?" ROFL!!
Addendum: Just read a post from a friend on FB about there being someone, somewhere, poisoning dog treats and leaving them laying around for pets to eat. Another one of my friends commented that she has trained her service dog not to blindly accept and eat treats from strangers. I think that's a brilliant thing to train into pets and service animals. Anyway, that reminded me that I want to visit the MS Society's web page and see if they help find and/or finance getting service dogs for those of us with MS. I'm thinking that one might be helpful as a companion to relieve some of my depression.
Friday, March 6
Hi, hope this finds you doing well. Well, it was cold this morning. The forecasted low was to be 21 degrees Fahrenheit. Don't know if it actually got that cold, but I am assuming it did because I think that both of the utility heaters ran all morning long. God I hope that the help we get to pay our utility bill is a big help. I know it'd be hard to afford another $300+ bill this month. Obviously we'd have to, but that would mean a couple of companies would not be happy. Actually I'm sure a few are already not happy only getting $5/month instead of the full amount owed, but oh well.
Despite it being cold, I still managed to drag myself out of bed and take a shower. I was taking showers the evening before I figured I needed to, but have decided I'm more motivated to actually get out of bed if I know I need to take a shower. Besides, it's wakes me up better than sitting and sipping on a hot cup of tea.
I also managed to get myself to my thrice a week exercise class. It went okay, despite being the only male to be there, and having to sit inside the outer circle because there wasn't room for another chair. Ah well, it was alright.
Monday, March 2
Last night while laying in bed, I had an idea of how to rearrange the living room. After it gets done, I think it will give the living room a more open look and feel. But first we need to get the non-working television moved off of the cabinet it's been sitting on.
Today was pretty productive, once I forced myself to get out of bed after hitting the snooze alarm twice. It wasn't because I was sleeping, so much as it would be so much colder once up and in the living room, which I knew would only be around 65*F. I'm just really feeling down with it being being cold outside. Plus it's been ugly/gray out there for a couple of weeks. Just tired of it and it has really deepened my depression. Sigh! I'm not telling you this so you'll feel sorry for me. Just letting you know how I've been feeling the last couple of weeks. I have had days of feeling good tho, just can't seem to string them together is all.
Anyway, today I went to my exercise class. Then I stopped by my landlord's office and paid our rent. I also was able to tell him of a couple of issues, so now we just wait for this cold spell to end so he can get them looked into. I also got to spend a couple of hours using the computer while my son napped.
We've eaten supper. Now I'm back on my phone, which I still need to make decisions on this week. Do I stay with the same provider and just finance a new phone, or do I see if another provider will let keep this phone even though it was programmed to work with the current one's service? I actually don't even know if I *can* use it with another provider. I plan to start looking deeper into the situation tomorrow (Tues.)
Friday, February 20
Thursday, February 19
Went to my appointment with the neuro, just like I said I had an appointment for when I wrote to you on my last post on the 17th. Well, as expected, nothing new to report. That's not completely true, as I did find out that the paperwork that he faxed to the company that'll set-up my receiving of the Ampyra didn't get received by the company like he thought. He talked to the representative at the company while I was there and she said that they didn't get anything, or at least there was no record of it, so she gave him different fax # to send it to. Upon looking the paperwork, he noticed that it was missing some of my insurance info, so he surmised that may have been a problem; perhaps the reason that I had not heard anything from said company. But, he did make sure that all the lines for info on me were filled-out, faxed it (again?), and once again we wait. I was going to talk with him about possibly upping the dosage of my antidepressant, but he was insanely distracted with phone calls from other patients in crisis mode, so I just let it go. Same thing about the med I don't think is doing shit. Basically, he was crazy busy, so I didn't add to the craziness. I did get one prescription refilled though; the one I have to be seen first before he can refill it.
Then we went to visit with my daughter and her boyfriend. We watched some TV, I got a haircut (really just buzz cut), had some pizza that they ordered from Domino's Pizza, watched TV and talked, then came home.
I was *certain* before I got out of bed this morning that I would be returning to bed for a couple of hours after I got home from taking my son to class. Once I had been up for a while though, driving and such, I decided not to go back to bed. Why? I'm not real sure. Just felt that I had already been in bed for 10 hours, so it probably wouldn't be good (healthy?) to add more. There was a time just a few years ago when 8 hours was enough bed time, but since then it has increased because I just don't have that much important shit to do. It's not like I have my own property to improve, nor do I have the motivation or money to do much tinkering on things around this rental. So, when I'm not on the computer, phone, grocery shopping, driving my son back and forth to class, or going to the Y for exercise class, I don't have a lot to do. Oh sure, I could read, but haven't gotten back into that since Xmas. Last week I tried, I really did, to get into crocheting, but I just don't seem to have the dexterity or motivation to do it. The needles and yarn aren't going anywhere, so there is always the chance I'll 'get er done' one of these days.
Thinking of hobbies the other day though, I remembered that as a young lad, very young (early teen), I used to build auto models. Been thinking about trying that again, for a couple of years, but haven't. Seems my procrastination has become quite engrained. Well, I should eat something, like a bowl on instant oatmeal. Talk to ya later! Todd
Tuesday, February 17
I am cold. Or maybe I should amend that to say, "I *feel* like I am cold although it is pretty damn close to 70 degrees Fahrenheit in this room (living room), I have on a hoody, I am wearing fingerless mittens, long pants (jeans), calf high socks, and my shoes." Need I mention that I am also drinking hot coffee? Probably not, huh? I just did though. :-D
Anyway, I'm struggling for things to say. I have an appointment scheduled with my neurologist for tomorrow. Oh, it's not for anything that's wrong. It's so he can see how the medications that I'm on are working. That's one reason. Another is that I need a refill prescription for a medication that requires, by federal law that he sees me in person first. He doesn't know that I need the refill yet. I will talk to him about it when I see him. Also, there's a drug named "Ampyra", also known as "The walking drug' that I have asked to try again, to see if I give it more than 30 days if it will help me walk better than it did when I tried it about 5-6 years ago for only 30 days, that he is trying to get a free 60 day trial of through the manufacturer. I want to talk to him about that because according to the book of drugs that my prescription D drug company will cover, that's one of them. I also want to talk to him about a drug I feel isn't doing a damn thing, so the discussion of discontinuing it for a while is on my mind as well. As I write all of this down, the thought of "why?" the sharing of medical information is being broadcast to the WWW has crossed my mind.
That brings me to the question that my son asked me last week, after I asked him a question about a question that someone asked me. See, we were at a place in the town we live in when a person who seemed to know all the about this town asked me a question. I had never met this person before, but because he seemed to know so much about the town, I got the impression that he lived here. That was after he asked me, "What do people do around this small town?" I told him that there isn't a whole lot TO do, except go to the YMCA or out to eat. Then he said (paraphrasing), "People must like it here of they are 'just waiting to die'." OK, given that at the time I thought by previous knowledge of the town that he lived either in or close by, I said to my son, "If he knows so much about the place, why is he asking me what there is to do?" To which my son asked, "Why does anyone ask people questions?" I responded by saying, "I guess that people just feel the need to talk to other people." I read a quote that said, "Words are meant to be shared." a couple of weeks ago, and I've thought about how true that is (most of the time).
Sunday, February 15
I just downloaded this application so that I can write a blog post on my phone. Since this is the very first day with the application, I have no idea what or how to change any settings. Like an auto-save. Do the settings made on the PC at the site apply? Let's hope so.
Read a few reviews while the download was in process. One was that there was no separation of paragraphs once posted to blogger. This is another paragraph.
This is another one. It's now 25 minutes after 2 PM. I should probably eat some food. More than likely it'll be a packet of instant, flavored oatmeal that I'll cook in the microwave for one minute and thirty seconds.
Okay, first post written and ready to send. "Talk" to you later.
Thursday, February 12
When the alarm went off this morning I was not a person wanting to hear it. Despite being certain that I would be returning to bed after getting home from my morning delivery of my son to class, I have managed to avoid doing so. I've had a bowl of oatmeal (instant, for what it matters), cleaned the litter box, did a few dishes, brewed a pot of coffee, and as you can see, written a little bit. As for the rest of the day? No clue.
A few of my friends are having bad times with life right now. A couple dealing with pain, a couple dealing with legal issues, and even more from my support group with MS who're struggling some as well. And though I have my own issues, somehow they don't seem as important as my friends and theirs. So, if any of you are reading this, know that I am sending you my heartfelt wishes that your difficult times be brief and the outcome be even better than you could've imagined.
Thursday, February 5
Monday, January 19
Tuesday, January 13
Got up this morning and felt alright, I guess, but as always it seems, a little down and cranky. It didn't/doesn't help that now *both* shoulders are sore and I can't seem to train myself to fall asleep on my back, so I'm don't think I sleep all that well. The cold and lack of sunshine is really getting to me. It's not only the outside cold, but the inside chilliness as well. I think if I could worry less about being able to afford the next electric bill (we're using a couple of utility heaters; 1 in a bedroom and 1 in the living room, plus the oil-filled heater in the living room), my crankiness and anxiety would be considerably less. That's not really what I intended on writing about when I sat down. It happens though, eh? Dammit, I actually had an idea of what I wanted to write, but it's leaving the dock of that place where trains of thought park. Anyway, while I'm on the subject of gregariousness, I'll mention that there could be a couple of reasons why I feel a little more talkative today. 1) I took a nap this morning after I got home from dropping my son off at his GED class. I was cold because it still wasn't above 65 degrees Fahrenheit in the living room, so I slept on the sofa still wearing my down coat that I had left this morning wearing. 2) Just before leaving to pick my son up from class, I decided to take a prescribed pill of a prescription I had filled (for fatigue issues). It seems to be helping with my fatigue level *and* has seemingly elevated my mood. I had *not* been taking these pills for fatigue because it's been cold outside, and because it has been cold I haven't wanted to go anywhere. Since I didn't want to go anywhere, I saw no reason to have energy that couldn't be remedied by taking a nap. Problem being that I haven't really taken naps because I find it hard to sleep when I am chilly (which has been common the last several weeks because of this effing cold spell we've been in). My point being that in hindsight, my thinking has been wrong and I should've been taking those pills whenever I got tired, unmotivated and depressed. I've never claimed to be the sharpest tool in the tool shed, nor the brightest bulb on the tree of lights. It's no excuse (well, it is, but let's not go there) but, not being around someone 24/7 who would notice things that could possibly change my mood and/or behavior is definitely a hindrance. I suppose I'm a stereotypical man/person and *think* that I don't need advice on personal matters. That's a pro of having a person who will watch for things. It really gives validity to why humans need partners. Yeah, I have totally awesome friends on the Internet whom mean the world to me, but it's just not the same as a real-life partner. I *really* miss that in my life. I hope that someday situation is rectified, which is always in the works in one way or another. For those of you whom think that I think too much in terms of "partners/mates" vs "friends", I do start every relationship with the primary goal of being friends first and going from there (most of the time).
This question is for anyone whom knows about hot water distribution in houses. Our hot water heater is just on the other side of the wall from the bathroom sink, yet we get hot water from the bath tub faucet or the kitchen faucet quicker than from the bathroom sink's faucet; why? That just seems weird to me.
OK, back to the human nature of doing better emotionally when one has an in-person partner, I definitely don't think I could survive as a monk, at least not one that lived in a monastery in the mountains (or anywhere for that matter). Though I guess they may have personal relationships with their brethren (?). I don't know, just thought about that today, a little.
As I mentioned in my last ramble of it being a good thing to start reading a book that I was gifted; I have indeed read several chapters.
Dammit, I need to pee again, and then I'll come back, assign a title to this, and get it posted on-line. Be right back.