Wednesday, October 29


Yesterday was a pretty good day, despite worrying the night/morning before of running out of gas and having to leave the car sitting on the side of the road. Obviously that didn’t happen, but the anxiety of the possibility wasn’t any fun. I was worried about it because the gas in the car was all I thought I would be able to afford until pay day, which normally isn’t until the first of the month. Anyway, luckily I had a couple of small-amount (less than $10 total) to deposit. Fortunately, with that deposit I knew that I’d then have over $10 and would be able to get about 4 gallons of gas; which was enough to get us the 50 miles back home. I had an appointment with a place that made an AFO (brace) to help me walk better (I have drop-foot).  It’s only been almost 2 days with it, and I haven’t really walked a lot, and that means I’m still learning to use it. The idea is that eventually I’ll be able to walk fairly normal, but lifting my leg to swing it ‘normal’ means retraining my knee and hip into a regular gait. I’m hopeful.
          While I was in the big city, since it was only 1 day prior to my oldest daughter’s birthday, and I had told her that we would be stopping over to visit while in the city, we stopped at her and her boyfriend’s place. They ordered a couple of pizzas. Her boyfriend and I went & picked them up and we all proceeded to eat them. Colas and water were served as well. Talk, television, and playing with their cat were also activities that were partook in.
          I want to also mention that we had also planned on picking up a digital converter box from friends, which we did. Today I hooked it up and we once again have television. We are able to get ABC, so hopefully that station will show NFL football on Sunday.

Saturday, October 25


          I just got back from park, where I sat at a picnic table under an awning. Not a gazebo really, but where there was one picnic table (but room for a few more) under a pointed roof.  No, I did not engage in a picnic-for-one, rather I sat at, then on the table and watched the ducks (not geese) swim around. Even saw a couple diving under the water for who knows what. While doing that, I did the thinking thing. I remembered when we (late wife and our 2 young ones who were 6 & 3) first moved to NM and went to a park there, where there was a river, and we played in the water and the playground. That got me to thinking of what a happy time that was, though it was hot like here. At the time, the heat didn’t bother me. Then I thought to myself, “What *did* I do? I played with the kids.” OK, that’s not what I thought I’d write originally. I *was* thinking that I would’ve been sitting and watching, not really running around either (like now) but now that I think about it some more, the sitting and watching is NOT what I would’ve been doing. Which brings me to the now when I *would* be sitting and watching because of the heat and lack of mobility (walking & fatigue issues). Thinking that just bums me out. So let’s not think about that! One (me) needs to have thoughts like, “Things have changed, and that’s OK.” I can only do what now says that I can, and I need to be happy with that. Of course that’s easier said than done, but I constantly work on being content with the new me. What took/got me to the park in the first place was just a spur of the moment decision; on my way back from the grocery store where I bought myself what I *know* I “should” abstain from (a soda that has “bad” things in it, like aspartame) those things. But what the hell, I’m going to die of something anyway. That being said, aspartame doesn’t actually kill you, it just causes (allegedly. In large amounts?) all kinds of issues, some physical but mostly chemically to the nervous system. Which is why I told myself last week (and many times prior), that I was going to stop drinking sodas and just drink healthy things liked water, herbal tea and stuff. Something else that crossed my mind while at the park was that I wished I had brought my camera, but did I? No. Silly man! I really should just take it with me everywhere. Normally I could use the camera app on my smartphone. Though I’ve been leaving it at home more and more because, well, it’s a phone and I *rarely* get calls or call anyone for that matter. Hence the mental note to just take a camera, which takes better pictures than the phone anyway. However, the possibility to get pictures from my phone to our computer is not beyond my technological knowledge. I have the technology! The reason I thought to go to the grocery store in the first place was that I told myself (yes I talk to myself a lot, a lot!), “Do something besides sit at home being bored.” So out I went.
Son was sleeping, because he pulled an all-nigher reading/playing on the computer, and I was tired of trying to entertain myself (as always). In fact he came to the living room and went to sleep in the chair after only 5 hours of sleep. I have no idea why he didn’t sleep longer. It doesn’t matter. As I walked in the door with plans of writing, he was coming out and waking-up the computer. I thanked him saying, “Thanks, I was just about to use that.” No doubt he is not a happy camper, thus the flopping into the chair and passing out. I’m working on not feeling guilty for spending time on *my* (when it comes right down to it) PC, though it’s the only computer set up and able to connect to the Internet because of the lack of living space. He spends *hours* on here and *I* have to find other things (like reading, cooking, cleaning, playing on the Wii, etc.) to do; so can he. Right? Right. It’s one of the main issues I struggle with. He will do *nothing* else when he’s not on the computer (yes we’ve talked about it). Although once in a *great* while he’ll read. Me being me, I have just gotten into the “bad” habit of letting him. In all honesty, it’s because I can’t (usually) spend *hours* on the computer like I’ve done in the past (almost 3 years ago though) and I don’t/can’t think of anything else to suggest. I have heard that it’s not my responsibility to give him ideas for entertaining himself. He is 19! Anyway, that’s a family issue, nothing for you to concern yourself with (like I had to tell you. Sorry).
           It has been suggested that I look for tutorials on-line to make rugs using plastic grocery bags. I’ve heard of that but haven’t considered doing it. Again, I don’t know why not, just haven’t (in my defense, it has been a while since hearing of it). Having thought about it since it was suggested, I believe that is something worth considering. Actually have decided that I *will* do that today. We don’t have a lot of bags right now, though there’s enough to at least get started. Yes, there is always the learning how to crochet, which I actually thought about trying again last night (said to the one who knows who she is. lol). Once again I am also thinking that there has *got* to be something creative to do with the plethora of shower curtain rings that we have. Maybe buy several different colors of spray paint, paint the individual rings in different colors, connect them (or not), and make a curtain or some other kind of hanging thing. Perhaps hanging it/them over my bedroom door or between posts on the front porch entry-way would be an idea. It *just* occurred to me that I could put them on the door to our water heater, in the shape of a Christmas tree too, or any other shape. Hmm! I read a comment on-line last night that said, “If you’re bored, then you are probably a boring person.” (something to that effect). I read an article many years ago with a very similar premise. That got me to thinking; one of the ways not to be bored/boring is to do something, hence why I had to go somewhere today and do something, even if it was only to the store to buy junk food. Yeah, I know that’s bad, but it’s my mindset a lot of the time. Something I’m working on, and have been for the last 3 years (off & on), and why there’s the ideas of projects. I know that some of my friends indeed do have hobbies that they entertain themselves with to a) keep themselves busy, and b) to keep themselves happy by being creative. There is the theory that creativity is one of the best things for a person’s happiness. I’ve just gotten out of the habit of being creative and into the habit of thinking that I have to be doing things more similar to physical labor to be “busy”; busy-work I think it’s called.

Friday, October 24

My day and pictures too

          Looky here, another post from the Rambleman; 2 within as many days. Amazing! This one is not going to be nearly as long as the last one though. In fact it’s going to be mostly of pictures that I’ve taken over the last few days. Not that you with truly “high-speed” Internet will notice, but it’ll take me a little bit go get all 4 of them posted, as *my* connection is as slow, if not slower, than the ancient dial-up speeds. Why? Because I’m using my smart-phone to connect through my provider, and it’s sometimes 3G, but sometimes only 1G- slow. I don’t even know what the actual “speed” is as it takes a really long time to check using the speedtest site.
 This is the cat-tree that was given to us a couple of weeks ago that our cat doesn't use, so I've sat it out on the front porch for any cats that want to use it when they wander over to visit, if they want to.
 Just some pretty clouds a few days ago.
 Took this yesterday. Mostly just wanted to see how a picture of the sun would turn out.

This is one of the 2 porch-plants that I've been nurturing for a few of months. Not sure if I should bring them in this winter, or let them "sleep", or what exactly I'll do with them.

            My day went pretty well; not terribly exciting, but then none of my days usually are. Got up this morning, took a shower, had a peanut butter sandwich and headed to my thrice weekly exercise class at The Y. After that I came home and read some email on the computer, looked through a few posts on Facebook, MyMSteam and did my not-as-regular-as-it-should-be workout on Lumosity. Later I read a little, but didn’t even finish the short story because I got really sleepy and took a 30 minute nap on the sofa. After that I ran (drove, but you probably assumed that) to 7-11, then came home and messed around until now. Well, we did run to the grocery store not long ago and got a few things.

Thursday, October 23


          There was once a time in my life, seemingly eons ago, that I was never bored. Today though, I found myself being that very thing. I posted to Facebook that I literally could not think of anything to do. A couple of weeks ago (maybe less) I posted that I was bored as well. A good, longtime friend told me (wrote a comment) that “boredom is just a state-of-mind.” Of course deep down I know that to be true, but for some reason I didn’t see it. Then again today the thinking (or lack thereof) of there being nothing to do crossed my mind. In reality there are many things that I can do (library, gym, cleaning, etc.). My problem is that I worry about having the energy to do them (rather, what I’ll feel like after doing them). You see, I do things for 15 minutes (or so) and get really fatigued. Knowing that, I tend not to even get started doing them. Why? I don’t really know. I think partly because they seem to be something to just to kill time, and that depresses me. See, I’ve found, or am finding, that I just don’t get any real joy out of life anymore, and that too depresses me. It would seem that I have a depression problem (obviously!), which again is just a state of mind (well, to an extent, minus chemical imbalances), and I know that too, but. I am taking medication for it, but I’m beginning to wonder if it’s enough or the correct medicine, or maybe it’s just me. There has been a lot of reading happening and that’s a good thing, but I did that today already. I also took a nap. Those things happened before the “boredom” post. Thinking back, I believe it (the post) was more me being tired than anything (could’ve been that lack of food too). Since then, I’ve eaten (instant oatmeal), and have been outside (it’s a beautiful 80 degrees Fahrenheit). There were a couple of tennis balls on just the other side of our fence, between the chain-link fence and trees/bushes, that I noticed a few days ago, that I’ve since (today) coaxed to our side of said fence and threw towards the tennis courts.
About the cleaning… See, I bought a sponge-mop a few weeks ago to mop our kitchen and bathroom floors. However, I’ve been procrastinating using it to do said floors because, well, having white/clean floors just doesn’t seem all that important. I’ve just learned to accept them as not being white. It’s not like we eat off of them, so germs aren’t a worry. We don’t get visitors, so it’s not like I have to impress anyone with my cleaning ability. Oddly enough I have kept the sinks clean and the toilet white-ish. It’s weird, because when we lived in MO I cleaned a lot, but since moving to TX it hasn’t seemed important. Probably because I still haven’t completely come to terms with my spouse passing. I probably could use some counseling, but I don’t know how to go about getting it because I only have Medicare for insurance. Also more than likely because we owned the place in MO and now only rent. In the past, decades ago, it used to be a wonder to me what difference that really made, but since going from owning to renting, I’ve noticed that lack of ownership does affect ones outlook, even on neatness and cleanliness of surroundings. Don’t get me wrong, I still keep the place fairly neat and organized, I’m just don’t worry about it.
            Since I’m now in the writing mood I’ll tell you that within the next couple of weeks (next week to be exact) we will be acquiring a digital converter box from friends of ours. Then, hopefully/probably we’ll be able to fight off boredom by watching television. I know that probably doesn’t sound all that exciting to most people, but we haven’t had reception for several months due to lack of funds and because I’ve found it unnecessary. I also wanted to see what it was like without it. Since being without it I have read many books, and so has my son. Being who I am become though, I’m more interested in having television so that I can watch sports. That has been the one thing I’ve missed watching; the rest of it hasn’t been missed. I was tired of sitcoms and other (IMO) junk-tv before getting rid of cablevision.
            More on the boredom topic (come-on, you know how interesting it is) I’d like to mention that in the past, one way that I fought it was by writing. Since I’ve written this stuff today, I actually feel better. So I don’t know why I haven’t been doing it more often. It feels good getting my thoughts out of my head and onto the screen. Therefore it makes sense for me to do it more often. I’ve been told before that people actually like hearing from me, but I tend to forget that and go into a funk and stop for no apparent reason. I used to write in my journal and in this blog all the time. Since I don’t think highly of my own prose, grasping that eludes me. Like I said though, I’ve always felt better after getting it out. Like the saying goes, I am my own worst critic. Speaking of writing, back before she passed away, my late wife was writing a story that was never finished. I need to read it again to remember, but if memory serves, it was a romantic mystery. At one point I considered finishing it in a kind of tribute to her starting it. She finished several chapters that I read last year (or the year before). It was really good. Maybe I should reconsider doing that again. It’s kind of ironic because it was me who at one time wanted to be a writer but didn’t follow through in doing it. She did though and I think it would be cathartic for me to continue her story. What do you think?
            Well, as always, once I got started, it turned into a lot of words on the page. So, I’ll leave you so you can read this with the knowledge that I promise to be more, uh, what’s the word (?)... prolific in my rambling. I am “The Rambleman,” so I should resume being just that. Until next time!