Monday, January 19


I have been home from The Y, where I went and participated in a ‘sit n exercise’ class. The teacher is very well liked (yes, I like her too), so the class was full today. When I say full, I mean that there were more than there usually is are on Monday. In fact, a record was set. I don’t know if it was an all-time record, but it was the biggest I’ve participated in in the last 6 (?) months. I almost didn’t go today, but forced myself.
          After the hour long class, I sat and had two cups of free coffee – yum! I love coffee, and not for the caffeine either. I don’t generally make it at home, though I did brew a pot of decaf yesterday, and drank the whole 10 cup pot. Anyway, I added a good amount of flavored creamer to each cup. If there is not creamer (which I don’t have at home… yet), then I’ll use sugar (no substitutes) or black if necessary (I have to be in the mood for black though). I stayed to drink 2 just because I didn’t want to come home and have no one to talk with (son would be asleep).
          That brings me to my thoughts on the 7 minute drive home. Depression is much like worry, being in either frame of mind accomplishes nothing good. Yes, I fully understand that both are just a frame/state of mind, yet I have such a goddamn difficult time not being in one or the other at any given time. I’ve actually been thinking of the why I suffer from depression and I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s not so much that I’m sad, it’s that I just feel lonely and worry about it (mostly subconsciously). On one hand I *know* that ‘it’ can and has changed in a heartbeat (within the last month even, though it didn’t last, but still). A couple of months ago, during another deep-thought about it, it occurred to me that a way to either keep from getting depressed in the first place, or perhaps even getting out of a spell of it could be… Instead of thinking about why you’re sad, try thinking of reasons to be happy. Try making a list and reading it every day. Or if necessary make a new list every day. There’s also something that a friend of mine is doing, and that’s making a ‘happy jar’. Whenever a happy thought crosses her mind, she writes it down on a small piece of paper and puts it in the jar. Or perhaps when something happens to make her happy? Either thing (or both) is a GREAT idea.

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