Tuesday, January 6

Prostate. Threats of death

I have a message (voice-mail) waiting for me from the company which now supplies catheters for me since my visit to the E.R. a few weeks ago; and the visit with the Urologist a few weeks ago too (one day after visiting the E.R.) because I couldn’t pee. Since then I’ve had another visit with the Urologist after he put me on medicine to relax my prostate, and another one to reduce any swelling of it. The 2nd med, to reduce any swelling, doesn’t (according to the Urologist) show results of working for 6 months. Not sure if it’s because of the med to relax my prostate or just time, but I am now able to pee without cathing every time. Unfortunately, I still can’t completely empty my bladder, so I still use the cath. if I’m feeling particularly full or sometimes before bed depending on my mood. Anyway, what I was going to say about the voice-mail was that I’m not sure what to say when I answer it. Thinking, "Do I *need*  to order more even though I still have about 60 catheters; like, should I order them 'just in case' I have the problem again?" What I want to look-up is whether or not there’s a way to strengthen my bladder so that I do empty each time.  I wonder if doing Kegels would help? I do try to do them after I go to bed (sometimes), because that’s when I remember, but I don’t know if they help with the bladder issue.
           One thing that tells me I definitely have depression is that on television and in movies anyway, is when someone is being threatened with death they always get really scared, and I’m thinking, “What is big deal?” I *think* if it were me I would just tell them to go ahead and kill me. Granted it would totally suck for the people whom would miss me, but the whole threat of “I’m going to kill you if you don’t tell what I want to know” doesn’t seem like much of a threat to me.

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