Tuesday, January 10

A little more about Renee and us

There has really been no changes since she was moved from the ICU into a private room once life-support was discontinued. She's being given Ativan when it appears she's having seizures (twitching, restlessness, moving of her head from side-to-side, etc). She's also being given Morphine if she appears to be in pain (wrinkling of her forehead and obvious discomfort, etc). As of right now she no longer has a feeding tube and is not being given water to hydrate her. All she gets now is the aforementioned medicines and enough oxygen to keep her breathing from being labored. We (Angelica & I) go and visit her every day, but usually don't stay more than about 15 minutes because Renee' is usually sleeping (can tell because she snores). So we talk to her. We tell her we love her, miss her, and a little about our day. Sadly, I don't think she knows we're even there most of the time. She's still in a coma, still unresponsive to anyone. It's heartbreaking, to be honest. She has hospice workers that visit her every day as well. They just make sure she is being kept comfortable and if not they recommend more medicine or whatever. If she's still alive when a room at the actual Hospice Facility opens up, she'll be moved there for her final days on earth.

Meanwhile, we're getting the apartment slowly but surely turned into a home. All we really need-need is some real beds to replace the air-mattresses. Dressers would be nice, but the shelves in the bedroom closets are sufficient until we get them. There is a laundry facility on the apartment grounds, so we don't *need* a washer and dryer. Although a hospice' social worker said she'd see if she could get us one, she can't find any that anyone would deliver. That's not that important though. She did get a few extra blankets to us, that had been donated, as well as some bathroom towels.

School continues for me. I'm only one assignment behind in one of my two classes. Let me tell you though, I'm having a really hard time staying motivated to do the homework. Then I remind myself that Renee (aka: Rain) would want me to keep going. One of the reasons she chose Austin, Texas for her family is because it's high-techy, which bodes well for a person with an AAS degree in Web Design Technology. That'll be me in a little over a year (I'm 7 months into a 2-year degree). That's all I've got.

I just try to see the 'rays of sunshine' every day, and try not to think to much about 'what could've been' now that the love of my life is moving on. That in and of itself is the story of my life. Sad, but true.

Take care,



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Sustainablehome said...

Todd, Love and hugs to you during this most difficult of times.

I'm happy you haven't fallen too far behind with your schooling. It really is fun being able to build/design websites and you'll be fantastic at it!

And Renee was right. SO MANY businesses from California and other states are relocating there it's astounding (and perhaps you could do all your work from home)!

Caz said...

Oh Todd, I am so sorry you and your family are going through this. I wish I had magic words of comfort, but sadly all I can say is that you're doing the best you can in the situation you've been handed. It's not fair that this happened just as you started off on this adventure of moving to a new place, but life is seldom fair I guess :( I will keep you all in my thoughts and will msg you on fb.

Dawn Bennink said...

Thank you for taking this time to update us, from you. It is good to read your words and know you are moving through the days, one step at a time. You are all in my thoughts constantly. I wish I could DO something for you. Hugs to you all!

Todd said...

Thank you, all. I am now completely caught-up with schoolwork. I was 4 behind on Sunday, so it didn't take long.

Life isn't fair! I've known that for a long time. It's just being re-confirmed I guess.

Lee said...

Sending lots of hugs. I am so amazed and proud that you are current with your schooling. I don't know that I could do that, but you are right, Rain would want that too.

Todd said...

@Lee: Oh, I haven't moments when I think, "Screw it, I don't need this shit!" (getting homework done)

It's a day-to-day struggle actually :-(