Friday, July 19
Thursday nights group meeting
I went to another support group meeting last night. We talked about meditation and did a short version of what guided meditation will be like. Next Thursday we’re going to do an actual 20 minute/full meditation. I just need to remember 3 memories in my past that I remember being truly happy. One that I have is when I was lying in a field with my childhood best friend, looking up at the clouds and describing the shapes we saw. Now I just need 2 more that I can elongate into the happy feeling for at least a minute. I originally thought one memory could be when I was reciting my wedding vows in front of the judge, but I don’t know if that’s smart because it brings back memories of when Renee’ was alive. Yeah, I know that there must be some good memories with her over the 20 years that I knew her, but it’s still hard to think of those times without getting sad.
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6 comments:
Aw Todd,
I know somewhat of what you are talking about. The loss of a dog, even a "best dog in the world" dog, does not compare to the loss of a spouse. But I dealt with the same issue, even the best memories hurt too bad to remember. It was easier just to not think about . At some point I realized how unfair it was to the deceased to not be thought about in a good way. I am sure that the spirit of the deceased understands the pain involved but it still seems unfair after a certain point.
Until you have reached that point when you can spend time with the memories without crushing pain, may I suggest the first time you held one of your kids? Or sometime when you taught one of them something that they then accomplished on their own? Like riding a bike or tying shoes, even something like the first time the first time E peed standing up like a guy? Or sometime when you made it to the next level in a video game that you had been having trouble getting through?
I hope some f this helps.
As would of course happen, those are great suggestions which I'll delve deeper into. Wow, so that's why it's good to "get it out". There's always the thought in the furthest back of my mind of "why would anyone care? If I'd stop caring a little less about 'the small things' that seem huger some days then others, then I'll stop counting each and every day and connect several great days in a row. My friends are really helping me. Thank you!
You make an awesome point about just trying not to think of her because of she doesn't have a body is kind of disrespectful. Hadn't thought it quite like that. Thanks again. Damn you're good! :)
Wow, judging my writing skills of last night I must have been a little more buzzed than I realized. I am glad you found worth in my meaning.
And we DO care.
I know you do, but it's still great to be reminded every so often. I care about you too!
I know you do, but it's still great to be reminded every so often. I care about you too!
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