Success and what it means to me

I haven't gotten anything at all done today. Consequently I'm not in the most upbeat mood, yet not really depressed either. I came out of the bathroom earlier and said to me wife, "I think that my depression is directly related to my lack of success". Meaning, that I don't think of myself as successful in life. Yes, I know that "success" is all in your definition of it. Obviously, my definition is due to the way I've come to understand it in terms of what society deems successful, and that means financially comfortable. When you're comfortable, you don't have to worry about having enough money to pay all the bills, and still have enough to take nice family vacations to places that are inaccessible to most other people. Kind of like a reward for working harder than most everybody else, I guess. There in lies the rub, perhaps deep down I feel I didn't work hard enough earlier in life, and now I'm financially poor because of that. Now I've got MS and unable to work outside the home, and not motivated or talented enough to do anything that would bring in enough money to pay all the bills, or any bills for that matter. I'm totally dependent on the U.S. government for my wages via Social Security Disability money. Yes, that bugs me, because as a whole, I don't trust the U.S. Government any further than I can throw them, and that's 'not at all'. Yet everything I've tried in terms of home businesses has gone precisely nowhere. So basically, my financial situation is not going to change in the foreseeable future, unless we win a big lottery - 200K in U.S. dollars would be enough, we've determined. That's why we keep buying the tickets - just so you know. I know that the odds are not in our favor, but they're higher than not buying the tickets, if you know what I mean. Do you?

The thing is... I have a beautiful wife and 2 fantastic kids. I'm truly blessed in that regard. I've got a fairly nice home on ten beautiful acres with chickens, ducks, cats, and a dog. We have food on our plates whenever we get hungry. We've got fresh well water that comes out of the tap. We've got clothes on our backs (although they're getting very close to all needing replacements). And we stay pretty warm in the Winter, and fairly cool in the Summer. So if you think about it, we're really not wanting for anything except the money to payoff our credit card debts, which I admit is our own fault, but there nonetheless. I think what we lack the most though, is contact on a regular basis with real life friends. We're constantly working on that though. Luckily, I've got some really great on-line friends, so I suppose that's the way it is in the 21st century, especially for those who don't like, and aren't willing, to live in cities or towns with a lot of people. I guess I just need to be happy with what I've got, and not worry about what I don't. In my case, unfortunately, it much easier said than done. Workin on it! :-)

Where is this all going, you ask? Nowhere, I've just thinking out loud, something I haven't done for a while. I had been trying to write only what I thought other people might find "interesting". Today however, I don't have anything like that to say.

Tags: success, successful, money, finance, financial, home, kids, debt, government, credit, credit card